3 entries in one day.. am i a loser or what? heh.. well i started this weblog so i could vent.. and goddangit.. that's what i'm GONNA do.
emily emily emily... *SigH*.. i am one confusing lil girl. i don't even understand myself sometimes. and if ur wonderin' what the hell i'm talkin' about.. take a good look at my other half.. see anything? OF COURSE NOT. not to say i can't get any action or anything. but my love life history always seems to repeat itself. i've actually only had 2 boyfriends: 2 months and the other.. 9 days.. puahaha not too long huh? but actually.. the action i'm talking about are the ones during the checking/dating/getting-to-know-you stage and don't make it to the title "boyfriend/girlfriend". dang it.. these stages often last awhile for me and i'm talking months. i don't know why that is. i always seem to scare myself out of a relationship. why is that? am i only in it for the chase? (aka miss oops i did again...) and when i lose hold, is it the taste of forbidden fruit that i just gotta have? i don't know what's wrong with me, but my lil heart just can't take anymore of this. when things turn the other way around, i get all emotionally attached for some reason ( and MAN am i seroius about that. you are talking about queen of ham bau's <~ translation: cry baby ) lately, my best friends (jay and ed) have never seen me this hung over a guy before. (btw, thanx j + e for putting up all my crap! u guys set my head on straight, even if it means taking both of your bitchings and breaking off my legs ^^ luv u guys) even "he" must think i am some kind of freak now that i think back on the things that i've done. was that really me? but now i'm at the point where i really can't take anymore of the crying and worrying and thinking about it soooo much. paranoid android's gotta take a rest.
one thing i always grew up thinking, especially during highschool, that dating was a complete waste of time. i always knew that it wouldn't work and that it wouldn't last. so why not save myself the hurt? unless i know for sure he's the one.. (which is pretty damn hard) and i always thought that school, and career, and status were way much more important in my life, especailly now that i'm in university. and that until i've established those things and became stable, then love would be a bonus! i told my friend this and he answers "have you been sniffing glue?? u sound so philsophical!" =P for me, things like this would be a HUGE distraction in my life. but then i have friends who tell me that, even tho there were some tough times, they don't regret anything that they've done and the experiences they've had with their current and past loved ones.
i should just become a nun. ^^ now how many of you who know me are laughing at that? but seriously, i've learned a lesson here. if he/she doesn't compliment who you are (and no i'm not talking about him GIVING you compliments u dum mofo) and if he/she doesn't bring out the best in you, it really isn't worth it.
posted by Emily @ 11:23 p.m.
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home